Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Gertrude the Enforcer

Gertrude is the biggest skull in town. She takes care of perimeter defense. Although I am in charge, Gertrude is the brawn that scares away all intruders. She's big and dumb and orange, and her anus is purple, just like her tongue, so at least she is color coordinated.
When I'm on holiday, Gertrude takes care of the household duties, like cleaning up after the Boy, making sure the toilet paper roll is positioned properly, and painting Megan's toenails. Gertrude hates having her picture taken because she is a Native, and that means that everytime I snap a photo of her, a little piece of her soul is taken away; that's why she always looks so pissed. But don't let her fool you, Gertie really is a happy skull, and good at her job, but like I said before, she's big and orange with a purple anus, so you can't expect much from a skull like that.
Gertrude also babysits Ramona, which is a good things because if she didn't, then I would have to kill Ramona. A full-grown, Nobel Prize-winning Wonder Skull doesn't have time for degenerates like Ramona to interrupt her thesis writing. It's a travesty that the Lou wasn't drowned at birth like her other brothers and sisters. Ramona is an ethnic Mormon. I'm going to mail her back to Salt Lake City one of these days.

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Absolutely hilarious! I stumbled upon your blog after googling 'stinky ears'. While I'm not the afflicted, I'm most certainly the sufferer, as everytime I sniff my boyfriend's ears, there's a fraction of a second when I'm not actually sure which orifice I've stuck my nose in.

Anyway, I laughed out loud, and even as battered as I was, I managed somehow to bookmark your page, so I could read it when straight. Tonight I've indulged again and stumbled across your blog going through yesterday's internet history to see what I did with myself last evening, remembered laughing mercilessly at something and knew it had something to do with skulls. I don't know if I bookmarked it or not last night, knowing that the history would reveal all that my overtasked brain could not contain, but I thought it sounded good to say I bookmarked it. At any rate, I'm going to check my bookmarks now and add your page, if necessary.

10:52 AM  

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