A Skully Fairytale

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Wonder.

She was a benevolent ruler and all of her minions adored the very hair between her toes. One afternoon after the daily rabbit turd harvest, Wonder turned to her advisor, the Boy, and asked, "What is the meaning of life?" The Boy, though Wonder's right hand man, had little to say about the meaning of life, as he had not yet discovered himself, but not wanting to anger Princess Wonder, he answered: Cheese. And some shoes.

Wonder was delighted. If cheese was the meaning of life, then Wonder's life was certainly a full one, as she had just begun production overseas in Greenland, where Andre the Giant was the forman of the cheese factory, and everyone that worked there wore t-shirts that read: Wonder's Cheese, Everyday, Please! Even more good news for Wonder, because the t-shirts had been designed by her close friend Matthew Barney, and they were selling like t-shirts designed by Matthew Barney. Needless to say, Wonder was having one heck of a day. And some shoes.

The End.

Me and the Boy: a Po-Mo Listing

1. Ham sandwich

2. Sometimes I sniff his undies. They smell like: red, rubber dodgeballs; the bus station; three-day old mop water, snuffed-out matches; ear wax; used band-aids; duct tape; sharpened pencils; wet newspaper; that guy in front of you at the ATM.

3. I dream that we fly together through the Grand Canyon, arms outstretched Superman style with yellow scarves whipping behind us as we swoop down through the craggy cliffs, avoiding the birds, and dropping perfectly formed turds on all of the tourists rafting through the rapids. It's great.

4. When we walk together through the neighborhood, he tells everyone that I'm his girl. It's pretty clear. We've picked out rings and everything.

5. We've been taking ballroom dancing lessons.

6. I like butts.

7. Resume updating is tiresome.

8. Don't you like cheese?

9. On special occasions the Boy and I go out to the bars and pick up a drunk girl to bring home and torture with our wet flatulence.

10. Ham sandwich.

Back With a Vengence and an Update

This Skull has been away too long!

Things have changed in our house, and so I'm no longer afflicted with having to share oxygen with

Gertrude, Ramona, or Megan. It's just me and the boy, the way it always should have been. We go on walks together, sniff stuff, sneak snacks of cat turds that lie baking in the grass, go to work, look at stuff, sleep on the couch, listen to music, write poetry, and I even have my own myspace page!

Needless to say, things are looking up for the old Wonderskull. Finally, I'm getting the attention I deserve.

I'm Back

It's been awhile since I posted last, and I feel that my fans should know why: I have been in Borneo studying pygmy marmosets for the World Federation of Ridiculously Small Animal Research (WFRSAR).
While amongst the jungle creatures, I realized that I had a higher calling in life than to be merely a lonely skull in this cold, cold world, and that I should reach out to the other helpless dregs of the world in order to improve upon skull-kind. In this effort, I failed, because my wallet was stolen by this man. Unfortunately, with my wallet, so stolen was my philanthropic fervor. So I returned once again to Cincinnati, OH, to regail you all once again with my skull's life.

New Year, New Skull

Considering that the ubiquitous "New Year New Skull" title is a month overdue, I'll have to skip ahead to "Groundhog Report 2006: What They Are Hiding". It has come to this Skull's attention that Groundhog Day is not only a ridiculous holiday, but also a Government Conspiracy to cover up the fact that President Bush and his cabinet are working on an international plot to control the weather! I think that this is a clear argument, considering that they are always saying that there is no such thing as GlobalWarming...because they control it!
I have to say I'm disappointed that various government watch-dog types (myself not included) have yet to explore the phenomenon of Punxsutawney Phil and his imminent world dominion through weather control. Wake up people! Soon ground hogs will rule the world!

Worm Eater

Ramona has proven herself to be disgusting, fat, and horrid yet again: Ramona is eating earth worms outta the back yard. At first I thought she was merely harvesting them for our fishing trip, but upon further inspection of her spotted muzzle and fetid breath, Ramona gave herself up as a worm-eater, and is hiding in her bed. Perhaps it can be explained as a vitamin deficiency, but Megan and the Boy take care to supplement our diet with many treats and candies, including yogurt (which makes my coat shiny, and my flatulence moist and delicious). I hope that the Boy will shackle Ramona in the basement, because I'm tired of her worm-eating ways! If they don't do something about it, I will: it will involve strychnine, toe-nail clippers, a cactus, and some Flinstone vitamins. I'll show that love-pilfering butt-scrub a thing or two about what appropriate to eat! And then perhaps I can get that cooking show I've always wanted...

Ear Stank

Megan is saying that I have an ear infection, but I think she's full of crap. This Skully is too fit for that shit. I am the pinnicle of heath and fitness. Why just yesterday I touched my toes. And in a foot race against Gertrude, I scored fifty points plus two for good sportsmanship. Megan has been chasing me around, trying the clean out my stinky ear, but I won't let her. I have hidden my precious ears in a top secret location where no non-skull can gain entry.
But that's not the point. The purpose of this entry is to say that I do not have an ear infection. Do you hear that Megan, this skull is clean!